No picture with this post because I honestly didn't even think about taking pictures when I was there. For those unaware, Orrion Farms is one of the largest (if not the largest in land mass) Arabian horse farms here in Washington State. When I was first introduced to Arabian horses in 1992, I dreamed of going there. Throughout the years I struggled a lot with getting into the Arabian horse industry in a way that I wanted and I stayed away from the successful barns for fear of being laughed at. Most of that comes from deep rooted trauma unrelated to Arabians or the horse industry. During the five years between the time my son was born in 2013 and when we picked up Destiny in 2018, I went through a lot of healing and forgiving of things in my past. I still have a lot to go though however today's trip boosted it quite a bit.
You see before this grouping of horses I have now, I had good horses. Good horses that could take me to Regionals if I worked really hard. They had their flaws though and the uphill battle with getting them to be potentially National quality bred animals was steep. I won't ever complain truly. It was a learning experience. These horses I have now though, are much better in conformation and type. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to sit here and say my horses could compete in a ring next to the horses at Orrion. I mean they could, they'd loose but they could. I'm not barn blind to the level of type but today gave me quite a boost of confidence that while I'm not to their level of breeding.... I'm getting closer. And that's exciting.
The major issue I have is that I have what is called Imposter Syndrome. Imposter Syndrome is a mental state where despite your successes in the world, the amount of time you invest improving your skills or otherwise being really talented in something. You don't feel you deserve the recognition that comes with all those achievements, or the compliments for your hard work. Doesn't matter what achievements you get, in your mind you don't feel like you deserve them, that you're a fraud or that you're fake. This was brought on in my early childhood, outside of the horse industry and throughout growing up meeting people in and out of the industry that were just not nice people.
So what does this have to do with Orrion? I've had a really hard time since 2018 accepting that I have invested so much time into researching conformation and bloodlines. I've had a hard time accepting people telling me straight to my face, sometimes in frustration, that I am good at what I do even though I have very few foals to show for it. The hardest so far has been a friend who told me I was a trusted source for information in looking at horses online. That she valued my opinion when it came to her own horses and the potential next steps with her programs. Today the reality slapped me in the face how close I am to what I want from my horses. Like I said earlier, I know that when it comes to halter horses especially I'm not going to get there, but I'm also not interested in that. When it comes to type though, and conformation and movement... I'm getting there.
I may never get to the size of Orrion like I dreamed when I was a little girl, looking at the hundreds of AHA Times books in the living room. I may never have a world renown stallion that everyone wants to breed to because he doesn't fit into the fashion of halter horses. Hell I may never get a horse that I take to Nationals.... but I'm getting there. It's hard to get there when you've got a program focused on preservation of lines that are dying out. You have to work with what you have. Who knows though. Maybe one day I might cross a mare and a stallion and end up with something I just can't ignore, and the rest of the world will agree with me.
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